I'm just a typical old lady
Some say I'm a little bit cracked
I may be a mite absentminded
But my brain's still as sharp as a tack
      
Sometimes, I forget where I put things
Then I find most everything I lose
And I have been known to go out at times
Wearing only my fuzzy house shoes

Once, I put my dentures in upside down
And wore my best dress inside out
But when people say my pot is cracked
They don't know what they're talking about

I keep up with my glasses by wearing them
On a cord hanging 'round my neck
There's nothing wrong with my brain cells
I'm still a sly, old fox by heck

When I drive, I'm a bit of a lead foot
So I'm careful to avoid the cops
And I always take a matching umbrella 
Just in case a storm cloud drops

Eating hot dogs gives me heartburn
And pinto beans make me constipated
I sit and watch how that escaping gas
Just drifts away and is dissipated

I usually remember to take all my pills
Though I swallow enough to choke a horse
I keep my mayonnaise in the breadbox
And my undies in the freezer, of course

The very thought of growing old gracefully
Actually never really appealed to me
I stick out my tongue at the geezer next door
And to heck with my dignity

I plan to go out kicking and screaming
And in my one final act of defiance
To prove that I'm not a scatterbrain
I'm donating my body to science

Kathleen McCoy Eldridge©
March 15, 2007
All Rights Reserved

"Too Old To Cut The Mustard"
Courtesy of Heavenly Midis